


a name that losses its purpose

by masamune11



Series: o brother who's not mine [3]
Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Arjuna's (wishful) 3rd Interlude, Atmaja being a supportive bro, Bharatayuddha!Arjuna, Bharatayuddha!Arjuna is Permadi, Bharatayuddha!Karna, Bharatayuddha!Karna is Surya Atmaja, Gen, Introducing Evil!Arjuna, Mahabharata!Arjuna, Mahabharata!Karna, Poor Karna
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-03-31 16:29:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13979064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masamune11/pseuds/masamune11
Summary: "Servant Lancer, True Name—""—Karna."—but the one who stood before him had the same face, the same searing-but-calm gaze, the same armor that had protected him from everything since his birth, the same divine weapon that was unseen but noticeable.In which Karna wonders the real purpose of his summons. An existential crisis, but not really.





	1. what is my role in all of this?

**Author's Note:**

> This. This will be long.
> 
> But I will try my very best to end this story in three chapters.
> 
> Un-beta'ed at the moment.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "As peculiar as this situation may be, if fate dictates us to work together, then I shall abide. Please look after me, Servant Lancer, Surya Atmaja, and I shall do the same."

He was only a human.

Never mind the blood of gods running through his veins, he was still a man trying to make his path in the world. He was supposed to be a prince, but his mother's rejection was a sign that he was meant to be something else. It was only later in his life that he learned the impact of his mother's decision unto his life: acceptance towards fate, for he was just another speck of dust in under the sky.

Acceptance, because everything happened for a reason.

As such, when the world relayed the prayer of a man to his attention, the man accepted his summons, letting the white light whisking him away before the entity who implored him—

"Servant Lancer, True Name—"

"—Karna."

—but the one who stood before him had the same face, the same searing-but-calm gaze, the same armor that had protected him from _everything_ since his birth, the same divine weapon that was unseen but noticeable.

He looked at his mirror-self, then to the man next to him dressed in white garb, his hand stained with the mark of a master, and then finally returned to the Servant that was like himself. The Root spoke in hushes, about a person that led a life like himself, who met a pitiful but proud end in the field of war but ended it with a better note than Karna did. He mentally asked for a name, and the Root complied.

' _Karna, Suryaputra, Radheya, Surya Atmaja,'_ it said, ' _the Son of Surya, the Right Hand of Duryodhana, The Hero of Charity_ '.

At the mention of those names, all belonging to himself except for one, Karna sighed. Upon his call, he never imagined that another bearing his name would have been summoned before.

And yet, even all of this must have a meaning.

So Heroic Servant Karna breathed in and then spoke, "As peculiar as this situation may be, if fate dictates us to work together, then I shall abide. Please look after me, Servant Lancer, _Surya Atmaja,_ and I shall do the same."

* * *

These were what he learned of Chaldea Security Organization: it operated outside Time, untouched by the machinations of the Grand Caster Solomon; it was dedicated to protecting humanity by restoring the foundation of human history; it utilized the Fate Summoning System, a system based on old ritual designed to manifest celebrated spirits, to support its endeavor; there were many servants summoned, himself being the 51st servant who arrived without a hitch, from various eras, his own summoning being unique only to two subsequent summons preceding his.

His master had summoned doppelgangers of himself and his... rival.

(Even after knowing the truth about heritage, it was hard for Karna to refer that man as his... brother. They were related by the blood of their mother, and yet the only side which he had ever witnessed from Arjuna was that of a prince, the third-born of Pandava, a person whom his best friend loathed to the core, seconded only to Yudistira.)

As if he had done it previously, Ritsuka decided to refer him as Karna, while his alter-iteration would be referred as Surya Atmaja. Some of the servants groaned at the long name, to which his alter-iteration laugh quietly (and it dawned on him that, despite bearing the same name, they haddifferent mannerism) and encourage them to call him _Atmaja_ instead. He even offered to release his gold choker, forcibly changing its form into a pair of simple gold necklace; it required minor effort, if compared to the transformation of Rama's _Vishnu Buja_  into a saber to accommodate with his class.

He noticed the line of scar circling Atmaja's neck, like his own—another reminder that his doppelganger had met the same end as he did. While the gesture did nothing personal, Karna noticed how the behavior of a certain Archer changed.

Permadi was a Servant whom he was confused with. Wearing the face of Arjuna yet bearing different attitude (his mannerism was still the same but with less the hostility and ire), he effortlessly threw Karna's perception out of the window whenever they encountered each other.

When Permadi spotted him, the Archer's eyes would light up as though he had found a treasure. Then he would look at Karna's neck, still covered with studded choker, and that joy transformed into awkwardness and distance. Afterward, Permadi would respectfully greet him, and both would occasionally talk about various topics, from their experiences in a Singularity to the goings-on among the Servants.

They never talked about their previous lives. There were moments in which Karna tried to bring that topic into their conversation, but Permadi found ways to effectively shut his attempts. It was enough proof for Karna that the Archer wished to leave it alone.

At other times when Atmaja joined in during his casual banter with Permadi, said Archer's attention would fly back to his brother, brown eyes gleaming with fondness. Then, just like the Archer did him, Permadi would look at Atmaja's neck, flinching at the proof of his sin, and then clamp up as quickly as a fearful oyster. Atmaja would jolt his brother from the reverie, after that, and Permadi complied, the doubts in those brown eyes dissipating (but never completely).

When he walked together with his doppelganger, strolling around Chaldea HQ, Karna bluntly asked if Atmaja was exacting vengeance to Permadi for the dishonorable death that the latter had to endure. His choice to display that scar was like an announcement to the world of the sin that Permadi made--a reminder for the Archer to  _repent_. 

(Permadi had always adored and  _loved_  Atmaja, so eager to look after his wayward-in-a-way brother; this was what Karna deduced from observing their interactions. He could see it in how protective the servant of his brother. Whether it was out of grief or something else, Karna couldn't know. Perhaps Permadi wanted to repent; perhaps he was just glad that he could fight with instead of against Atmaja.

And Atmaja... perhaps his heart was not as benevolent as everyone thought, his death leaving not only a scar to remind him but also a grudge to keep.)

Atmaja blinked, perhaps taken aback by such question, but then he smiled.

"No, it is meant as a reminder, because for all his smiles and charms, Permadi _is_ selfish. Sometimes he forgets what he decides—or does not—impact not only himself but also other people. My death was among those decisions, for he killed me when I was unarmed—goaded by his best friend and encouraged by his own  _angkara._ "

Atmaja paused, his hand tentatively touching the beheading-scar as if trying to recall the sensation of losing his head. Karna knew that itch, for his studded choker was in place to stop himself from doing what Atmaja did.

"I have accepted my death as a necessity, to bring _angkara murka_ to the path of destruction, and I have forgiven him for my death at his hand. What I regret, however, is how he carried his duty, his willingness to break dharma to achieve that goal. It shows that cruelty lives within him, even when he tries suppressing it," he continued, his tone a little bit wistful, "but suppression is not the same as acceptance. He has been denying his capacity for cruelty, thinking that his ignorance would show him the path to become a perfect _Kshatriya_. But he never realized that there is no such thing as a perfection, as long as his spirit is _human_."

"So, when you learned of this, you decided to act on it," Karna concluded, his Discernment of the Poor detecting no lies within Atmaja's statement. The latter narrowed his eyes at him, perhaps noticing that he was being judged, though his expression returned neutral as quickly as running water. In its place now was steadfastness that rang with a desire to care and protect.

Perhaps, Karna might have underestimated the degree of the Atmaja's love towards his brother.

"I did," Atmaja confirmed, his blue eyes unreadable, "and I know you would do the same for your Arjuna too if he just gives you the chance."

Karna wanted to rebut, truly, at Atmaja's pure conjecture. The only matter(s) that existed between him and Arjuna was bad blood (from Arjuna's point of view, it seemed) and rivalry. They used each other as measures of power, pushing against each other until one of them fall (die). There was no love shared between the both of them.

But before he could reprimand the other servant, Atmaja shook his head, a gesture signing that he was not done. t"I have put myself before him as the brother he wishes me to be, and he lets me do so," Atmaja continued, his blue eyes gleaming with sympathy, "the question then, is how you will put yourself before Arjuna... And in what capacity he will accept you."

* * *

Arjuna was actively avoiding him.

At first, Karna thought that the white-clad servant was simply too busy; servants in Chaldea came and went with his master, after all, so it could be that Ritsuka was simply utilizing their capacity as seen fit. He only realized otherwise, however, when he encountered Arjuna in the mess hall, chatting with another Archer clad in red. They caught each other's glance, Arjuna's eyes widening in surprise as he noticed his presence, and Karna witnessed as the latter cut his conversation with the red-clad Archer, excused himself, and quickly escaped the room.

The whole phenomenon seemed so surreal to Karna, until the red-clad Archer noticed him too, waving his hand to him as a sign of greeting. Broken out of his wondering, he leisurely approached the gray-haired man, taking an empty seat just across.

"It is nice to see you again, Emiya," Karna greeted, practicing small-talk because Ritsuka complained that he sucked at that. Even death could not cure his callousness. "I heard about the travesties at Fuyuki Singularity."

"Yes, messy business," the Archer replied, a deep frown marring his face as he, perhaps, recollected the disastrous situations that befell on him. He was assigned to a team to vanquish a berserker shadow servant in the remnants of Fuyuki Singularity. Everyone made it safely to Chaldea, but with so much damage that even Da Vinci struggled to heal them—or so Karna was told. "But it was worth the hassle. Thanks to our effort, some of us get to improve our skills."

Karna nodded, remembering that several Berserkers whom Ritsuka had summoned, now possessed stronger senses than before, courtesy of "Fuyuki Excavation Team"—a team consisting of the Emiya, Arturia, and Cu Chullain (surprisingly the Caster, not the Lancer).

"But enough small talk, even when that's good for you," Archer half-heartedly jabbed, cutting his reverie. He narrowed his eyes at him as if trying to discern Karna's intention before it was even bared. "What business do you have with me?"

"Arjuna," Karna bluntly stated, the picture of their conversation arising at the forefront of his mind. And yet, the words died in his tongue as soon as his rival's name was said as if he had no idea where to start. The childish part of him hoped that Emiya could understand his silence ( _why is he avoiding me? Is everything alright? Did something happen?_ ). Emiya's brows rose instead, a sign of complete bafflement, and then the Archer facepalmed, muttering something akin to _'why am I dealing with emotionally broken heroes now and then'._

Karna sincerely wanted to protest, to defend his honor from such insult (he was not broken, damn it). But Emiya had already raised his hand, a sign of peace, and said, "Arjuna does not wish to see you—not yet. Something about being unable to face you unless a major duel is involved... He would, and I quote, strangle you if you meet with him again."

The Lancer blinked. Did the Nameless Archer just... explain about Arjuna's threats...? Collecting himself, Karna sighed, "Is that so?"

"It is so, even when I think that it is the stupidest thing to do. But lying to oneself tends to make one stupid, I suppose," Emiya off-handedly replied, and Karna winced because wouldn't that sting too much? Part of him even wondered if Emiya really knew about Arjuna's  _streak._

Emiya still watched him like a hawk, trying to gauge his emotion from his nonplussed expression. The Lancer only stared back at him, a silent reprimand to the other that he was  _staring_ , regardless their banter. If Emiya wanted to say something, he'd rather do it.  _Fast_.

He did.

"Look, I know the both of you have a history. A messy one, in fact. So, here's my two cents," the red-clad Archer crossed his hand, a stern expression on his face, "give him space. You may bear him no ill will due to your upbringing, but Arjuna is a jumbled mess of emotions and assumptions now. The center of that chaos is you and, unfortunately, both of your doppelgangers. Let him gather his thoughts, then he'll come around."

What Archer said was sound, and Karna had been an epitome of patience for all his life. He could bear waiting.

* * *

The moment his awareness came to him, he quickly realized that he was already in a dream. Karna manifested within the darkness, his form facing the back of his master. Ritsuka starkly stood against the emptiness around them, as if it was not the first time that he's trapped in this predicament. It was Karna's first time during his tenure as a Servant, however, and he would like to know if his master had any inkling of their current situation.

"Master," he greeted, startling the young man in place as he turned towards his Servant. Ritsuka registered his presence and let out a sigh of relief (his eyes wondered to Karna's neck for a moment) and shot him an unsure smile.

Before he could even comment (honestly, he was getting tired of being interrupted, unable to make his thoughts known), Ritsuka's form vanished before him in a flash of light. The dark emptiness was suddenly filled with light that shaped the space in-between, turning it into a dark ravine. The sky was painted with red and purple, the ground dark brown with the stench of malignant miasma.

Then he looked forward and saw _him_ , sitting on a throne made of marble. He was clad in his white-blue garment, a cruel smirk painting his face.

"Welcome, my bitter enemy," Arjuna—or perhaps someone else who wore the Archer's face—addressed, a touch of wickedness in his voice that made Karna soundlessly _flinched_. His arms were outstretched, a mock gesture of endearing welcome, "welcome to this humble world. Don't you find this scenery fitting for a funeral?"

His words were enough for Karna to draw  _Vasavi Shakti_ , still in sealed form, as if to anticipate any underhanded strikes which this Arjuna might let out. He was reminded of their fated battle at the plains of Kurukshetra, the arrows stuck to immobilize him, the final blow that took him out—the moment he experienced right then reminded him too much of his own death.

(The moment he finally understood that his rival was twisted and lost, a man trying to dispel himself of impurity but never understanding the futility of such attempt, until everything was too late.)

"You are..." Karna stopped a moment and _breathed,_ because, while he had learned the truth about Arjuna's inner sanctum, he still felt disoriented to see such hidden visage be revealed out in the open. "...you are the darkness that Arjuna tries hard to hide."

Arjuna laughed, a shrill one imbued with derision, and then continued, "Correct! To think that you have gotten yourself roped into this realm too... Ritsuka surely had considerably grown." he paused, a content sigh escaping his lips as if the abomination really cared for Ritsuka's well-being. Karna knew better, of course, his Discernment of the Poor throwing red flares at Arjuna's nefarious response; oh, the Archer cared for his Master... out of his own selfish intention. One day, when there came a situation where Arjuna's interest outweighs Ritsuka's life, Arjuna would certainly stab his master at the back.

It could serve as a problem in the future.

"I will not remain silent when you risk endangering the safety of my Master in the future," Karna declared, the arid wind blowing here, reminding him of the _Kurukshetra_ Plains that was his death only serving to consolidate his resolve, "draw your weapon, Arjuna. My honor as his Servant demands your death."

(He kept saying to himself that the whole situation was different, between the Great War and _this_. In his previous life, he had to stand against this man because his friendship to Duryodhana, even when he knew that his rule would only invite destruction to the world. Now, he was serving Ritsuka, a master who came from the far future bearing a naivety of a boy yet wielding a will of steel, who endeavored to protect the future of Humanity, by nipping the problem at the bud.

And yet, they were back here, on this arid land laden with grief, standing as enemies against each other. Was this his role, then? To stand against this man again and again? To be his eternal contender forevermore?)

Another laughter escaped the white-clad servant, this time sounding so scathing but bemused at the same time, as he summoned his prized _Gandiva._ His brown eyes held contempt, one like that time when Karna insulted Draupadi for marrying the Pandava brothers.

"Arjuna is a name that belongs to the weak, the one who refuses to face his own inadequacy," he replied, his hand picking several arrows from his bow and then drew them on _Gandiva_ 's string, "I am Krishna, and I shall make your pyre on this place... just like in the past."

He released his drawn arrow, the sound of thunderclap roaring in its wake—the sign of the beginning of their battle.


	2. a loss, a meeting, and an encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Good night, Karna," the malicious Archer uttered in mock solemnity and released the arrow of light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The (wishful) 3rd Interlude of Arjuna's which no one asks for.
> 
> Also unbeta'ed.

He lost the fight. (Technically, he did not, but he would have.)

Arjuna—no, it was easier to refer this savage side of Arjuna as _Krishna_ —fought like a man possessed, firing barrages of divine arrows at him at an unprecedented speed. Karna spent most of his time dodging each arrow; while _Kavacha_ and _Kundala_ provided him with an impenetrable defense, supporting the armor at full force would hinder him from observing any openings from Krishna's stance. And yet, even after doing so, the Archer’s stance was so closed off that the only thing that could spurn him off was probably an attack equal in destruction to _Brahmastra_.

There was a moment when Krishna stopped his barrage to refuel his mana (while his quiver held unlimited number of arrows, courtesy to blessing of Vishnu himself, they were still made of mana; sometimes, Krishna just had to refill it), a two-seconds window which he could use to slip in and stabbed the Archer at his spirit core. Karna had witnessed that window of opportunity three times now, fully intending to use it once the opportunity struck. So, Karna kept on dodging, fleet on foot and his armor of light billowing behind him, until Krishna refueled his quiver again.

Karna quickly rushed forward with his lance aimed to stab his enemy, meanwhile avoiding the last of Krishna's batch of arrows. As the gap between them closed out, the Lancer was so sure that his weapon would find its mark—

—He saw the slightest smirk painting the Archer's lips, his drawing hand glowing with blue light that quickly transformed into an arrow. Its tip resembled the waning moon.

He remembered how Arjuna effortlessly wielded the bow of heaven, the snap of its string sounding like thunder-fall and launched the arrows that propagated to greet hundreds of warriors in kind. Among those copies was one distinguished for its blessing, its form changing in accordance with Arjuna's will.

 _Pasupatha._ The sure-kill arrow _. It_  was pointed directly at him—right at his neck. (The irony was not lost on him.)

"Good night, Karna," the malicious Archer uttered in mock solemnity and released the arrow of light. _Pasupatha_  launched at the speed of a lightning... and burst as another arrow crashed at it, deterring it from its original mark. Itmissed his neck by a foot, and yet Karna could feel the invisible rage of storm trailing behind its weight. Both Karna and Krishna stood stunned at their respective places, eyes haphazardly scanning the area for the person who intruded into their skirmish.

There was Emiya, standing a few hundred meters from where they were _._ There was a bow in his hand, complete with a nocked... _was that a sword?_ Knowing and witnessing Emiya's art of battle were surely two different experiences.

"Cease this farce at once, Krishna," the Archer in red bellowed, gray eyes glinting with steadfastness, "you have caused enough problems."

To Karna's surprise, the haughtiness marring Krishna's visage disappeared, replaced by disgust and hatred. The white-clad servant quickly made distance with his enemies, refilling his quiver in a finger-snap as he did so. Krishna regarded his enemies with cold detestation, his hand perfunctorily nocking an arrow on Gandiva and then pointing it at the other Archer. "And you have soiled his thought, dragging him up to  _dream_ of an _impossibility_. I wonder, who causes that weak me more harm? Myself, the imperfections that he tries to hide, or you, the existence that offers him false _hope_?"

For a moment, Karna saw a shadow looming over Emiya's expression as if Krishna's words were knives that embedded themselves in the former's gut, twisting and turning to bring the worst pain imaginable. But it was gone as soon as the red-clad Archer glanced at him, as though Karna held the missing puzzle pieces that should complete the picture. Emiya let out an easy smile then, stunning Karna at his place because _Emiya knew only to smirk, to show his belittlement, to display that he would never give concerns over anyone's opinion_.

"You're wrong," Emiya said with utmost surety, "If the Son of Surya is here, then it's not impossible. You know this as surely as I do."

Karna witnessed as Krishna's haughtiness twisted into rage. Before he could even utter a word, Arjuna had already released an arrow towards Emiya, its shadows quickly appearing side-by-side as an attack capable to incinerate a nation. But Emiya remained stoic in his place, his sight never leaving Krishna—

—and yet, Karna caught his brief glance and a _hopeful_ smile, his bow shifting its target to _him_. The Lancer's eyes widened in surprise as he watched Emiya betrayed him in the most unexpected way, launching _Hrunting_ right at his feet. The broken phantasm exploded beneath his feet, collapsing the ground, and Karna _fell_ into the abyss.

He remembered Emiya's mouth twisting, forming the word _'help him'_ , as he watched the slowly dimming sky turned bluish under the force of Krishna's might.

When he finally managed to break his fall, it dawned him that Emiya had just saved his life.

For once in a very long time, The Hero of Charity _raged_.

* * *

 

The abyss which he fell into was, in fact, was a network of an underground tunnel, built as an escape route connected to an underground temple.

How did he know this? His master... and _Arjuna, of all people_.

Karna was exploring the area, his mind thinking of ways to go back to the upper ground when he spotted them both leaning towards the wall. Arjuna was the first who realized his presence, perhaps from the whiteness of his own hair, and quickly drew _Gandiva_. Karna already had _Vasavi_   _Shakti_ pointed back in retaliation.

(He recalled Krishna's cruelty and Emiya's sacrifice, the embers in his chest burning with the need for _justice_.)

That was until both realized that their _naive_  master had stepped in between them.

"Both of you, lower your weapons," he chided, though Karna could sense a tinge of exhaustion tainting his voice. Arjuna looked adamant at first, but then he complied with his master's wish and lowered his bow. Karna consequently did so too, the edge of his lance resting nicely on the ground.

Upon closer inspection of his master, Karna noticed the tension that quietly escaped Ritsuka's form... and how disheveled his master was, fine debris and dust sticking on his uniform. His breathing was fast but even, as if he had just finished running (from something) and finally managed to catch his breath. The same cannot be said for Arjuna, aside from his unusual disconcert—as if a bomb had gone off before him and Arjuna had not shaken out of his adrenaline.

Something had happened to the both, was what Karna deduced.

"While it gladdens me to see you unharmed, master, I cannot help but notice your agitation, no matter how small," Karna stated, and he could see how Arjuna slightly shifted in his place as if Karna's mere observation reminded him of a _fault_. "Has something happened?"

Much to his surprise, Ritsuka did not immediately confer, choosing to reach out to him via their mind link (their bond had grown to the point that such feat was possible). Karna complied with his biding, a brief confirmation that it was him at the end of the link, and Ritsuka sighed in relief as if a thousand burden had been lifted from his shoulder.

"I apologize for doubting you, Karna, but I just have to be certain," Ritsuka replied, finally explaining everything that had happened and where they were right now. Apparently, they were within Ritsuka's dream, with Arjuna being the only real person roped into this world. Karna's materialization, however, was something he did not consider. They were both running from several hostiles roaming on the upper ground.

"We are here to tackle Arjuna's problem," Ritsuka explained. Karna noticed, once again, Arjuna's disquiet, even behind his mask of composure—a subtle thing hidden beneath the surface of calm. "And despite this being my dream, I fear that I cannot rouse us up until the problem is solved."

Karna had guessed as much, though he wondered what kind of problem which Arjuna was struggling about—unless...

There was only one person whom Arjuna feared: _himself_.

"You're here to drive him off," Karna concluded, blue eyes glaring at Arjuna, though he was picturing someone else—a side of him that reveled in hate and greed. Arjuna stared back at him, in defiance, and Karna reminded himself that _Krishna was without pride and would never display such defiance_. "His darkness, I mean."

Ritsuka looked at him, surprise painting the master's face, "you know of it?"

And that was how Karna went on his tale: encountering Ritsuka amid nothingness ( _‘so it really was you_ ’, he exclaimed), facing Krishna, Emiya's intervention and death (at that moment, Karna swore that Arjuna's composure flattered, his face turning almost pallid as if he wanted to puke right then), and their eventual meeting. Throughout the conversation, Ritsuka paid his explanation solemnly... But at the mention of Emiya's demise, his body went rigid, the silence stretching afterward a sign of his mourning.

Karna couldn't blame him, truly; Emiya had been among Ritsuka's closer Servants.

"... I apologize, master, for dragging you into my affair once again," Arjuna quietly apologized, breaking out from his unusual silence. "If you demand my head for this, I would offer it gladly."

The words were so unbelievably hoarse, dyed in _guilt_ and _shame_ , that Karna could not help but stare at the Archer—his _rival—_ as if the latter had grown a second head. This Arjuna... this vulnerable, _shamed_ Arjuna was a facet that he never had the chance to encounter. Faced with this situation, too stunned to even react properly, what passed in his thought was Atmaja's words: _How you will put yourself before Arjuna... And in what capacity he will accept you._

(Must he be the supporting comrade? The tough rival? The caring brother? Will Arjuna even accept what he would offer?)

"No," Ritsuka's voice was of steel that governed their fates—the unbending iron that spoke both of determination and stubbornness, "we agreed beforehand that we will solve this problem together."

A glance from his master and Karna knew what Ritsuka wanted to ask of him. Karna nodded, turning his attention to his brother. "I am here to assist my master in any way I can," the Lancer stated, blue eyes holding an empathetic glance, "but if it will help you too along the way, then I will also be very happy."

Perhaps Arjuna was stunned with his words, because the dark-haired man only stared owlishly at him, if only for a moment, before snapping out of his confusion. The archer bit his lip, hard enough to draw blood, and briskly walked past the both, further down into the dungeon. "We will eventually arrive if we go down further. Let's not waste another moment."

He watched at first, as Ritsuka silently followed the Archer, a faint but certainly amused smile painting his lips. Perhaps his master noticed his confusion, because Ritsuka, already sparing his attention, only gave bigger smile, "I'm glad you're here with him."

 _Him,_ he said, not _us_. Karna only understood the significance of his master's word until later.

* * *

The underground temple was, surprisingly, devoid of servants or animated presences.

The temple was like _Pashupatinath Temple_  in design, though it lacked the glow reflected from sunlight. The darkened surrounding (they were still within the tunnel, right within an open clearing), however, seemed to light in blue and purple, the rocks surrounding them emitted luminous light. Karna wasted no moment to go into the building, trusting Arjuna to keep close to his master. Someone must advance to spring the trap (if there were any) and look around, after all, and who was more eligible than a servant protected by an indestructible armor?

The entrance hall was empty, though Karna could not ascertain if it was the same beyond the giant doorway down the hall. It seemed to be made of steel... and so heavy that opening it may require the effort of ten to twenty persons.

"Keep your guard up, Karna," Arjuna's voice cut into the dreaded stillness surrounding him, both he and their master finally having entered the open hall. "He is here."

As if Arjuna's voice was the spell that prompted events into motion, the giant gateway before they opened. Karna looked past it, his eyes focused on that person who wore Arjuna's face but wielded a malice beyond what he recognized of his rival. Krishna's smirk was one of condescension, his dark brown eyes reflecting ruthlessness.

"You have come back, _brother mine,_ " Krishna regarded with wicked bemusement, then turning his attention to the persons standing behind his opponent. Another smirk, this one of cruel bemusement, "Why hello, my weak self. Have you finally come to face the truth, once and for all? Are you so weak that you need your master to coddle you?"

Behind him, Karna could feel Arjuna's mana burst out at Krishna's provocation. A quick glance at his rival and Karna could see that Arjuna had already summoned his _Gandiva_. The calmness that usually enveloped those brown eyes were displaced by strife.

(By _fear;_ of what, Karna could not fathom.)

"There could be no truth coming from you... and even if what you bore was indeed _the truth_ , it is irrelevant," Arjuna solemnly declared, ignoring how Karna eyed him with wariness... and how Ritsuka grew tense next to him. The Archer had never shown this brittle disposition with such finality; he would profoundly deny whatever reasoning that did not align with his view—an existence who upheld an ideal that was a contradiction to his character, surviving only by repressing the part of him that could not live to that ideal.

(An existence destined for everlasting self-torment.)

Krishna's laughter was like a bell marking a funeral, one that quickly stole all of Karna's attention. As if answering to Arjuna's call, he also had his bow drawn.

"Lies, lies, lies. It is more relevant now that he is here," He trilled, a pinch of glee underneath harshness while his eyes darted towards Karna for a moment, before returning back, "but it's alright. A weak existence like you could never face me. You simply don't have the spine... and for that reason alone, I shall strike you down." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plan was to include Rama as Karna's last-minute savior, but then Emiya happened. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Don't worry, there will be a side fic exploring Arjuna's realtionship with Emiya.


	3. to bring down the curtain on my search

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Do not interfere with our fight._
> 
>  
> 
> Those were Arjuna's last words before he set off to face himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The good news: E Pluribus Unum finally hits NA FGO  
> The bad news: E Pluribus Unum finally hits NA FGO; I got roped into reading "Kingdom" manga
> 
> So yeah, the reason why this one takes so long is because FGO. God knows how many time I'm squealing when either Karna or Arjuna shows their-selves, so much I'm fg-ing that I keep forgetting to finish this. fic. But rejoice, it's finally DONE. Please enjoy!
> 
> Unbeta'ed until further notice.

_Do not interfere with our fight._  
  
Those were Arjuna's last words before he set off to face himself.  
  
Karna had nodded then, in the consideration of protecting his master from harm. A clash between two servants of Arjuna's caliber would result in collateral damages, which Ritsuka must not get caught in. There was also the fact that both he and Arjuna were warriors; a request like this was not something that he could ignore. So, Karna stood before his master, his indestructible armor drawn out, and witnessed how his rival drew arrow after arrow with grace. For every blow that Arjuna threw at his enemy, however, Krishna avoided it with as much grace as his counterpart.  
  
It was as if he was watching them dance.  
  
_Do not interfere with our fight._  
  
There was a moment when Arjuna stepped back to make distance so that he might strafe more arrows. But Krishna would not let him take his stance. Not a moment after, the wicked Archer was already closing in. When Karna thought that he was about to do a melee attack, Krishna was already hurtling himself towards Arjuna.  
  
A surprise attack.  
  
Arjuna must have been out of his composure, for he now lied on his back, his alter-ego straddling him under his weight and locking his movement at the same time. In his hand was an arrow, and its point was aimed at Arjuna's throat. Krishna only chuckled, a dark smile adorning his face.

"Time to disappear, my weak self."

Karna was bound by his word. He had been known to abide by it, believing that promises must be met for they had sacred value in fates of the world.

_Do not interfere with our—_

And yet, when he saw Arjuna's surprise and dejection in those dark eyes as he faced his demise, his body moved on his own. He launched to where they were, with _Vasavi Shakti_ at hand, and struck at Arjuna's alter-ego. Karna had expected his spear to be blocked, or for Krishna to avoid the blow altogether, but the point of _Vasavi Shakti_ swiftly impaled through his bowel, without resistance.

He had expected Krishna to gaze at him with hatred and malice, but beyond those brown eyes that were like Arjuna's (no, _they were Arjuna's_ , albeit the twisted version of them; the more that fact sunk into his bone, the more Karna shuddered at the fact that he had moved to kill his brother-lookalike) were  _gladness_  and  _completion_.

"...Heh," Krishna laughed under his breath, his hands gripping on _Vasavi Shakti_ to support his quickly-shambling form, "I have never... thought you would go so far to break  _dharma_..."

Ignoring Krishna's surprised babble (because it was  _true_ , but Karna must not think about it at the time being, else he would falter on his steps), Karna pushed the other with his spear, to make space between them both and Arjuna's lying form. He and Krishna stood so close then, that they might as well share the same breath. At that point, Krishna could have maneuvered to release himself from the stabbing, but much to Karna's surprise, the Archer did nothing of sorts. Instead, his hands were firmly placed on Karna's waist, as if desperately wanting the other to stay.

"If it is by your hand, I don't mind dying, you know," Krishna murmured, "I am his shame... his desire to pay with death... But how could it have meaning when it's... not... by your hand..."

Krishna coughed, spilling blood unto the ground and staining Karna's armor. Only then did Karna pull his lance, the whole ordeal dawning so quickly on him that he threw it away. He quickly knelt, bringing down the body the Archer with him, and sat so that Krishna's upper body lied on his lap. Blood still gushed out of the hole made by his lance, but Karna made no move to close it.  
_Vasavi Shakti_ 's hit had always killed its target, after all.

"So you have been wishing for death," Karna mourned (how could he not when faced with his brother, even if it was just a visage of it?), a tinge of understanding overcoming his senses: Krishna's adamancy to fight him, Krishna's persistence to dispose Arjuna for standing against his way, Arjuna's resignation for he knew the part which he denied.

Arjuna wanted the death of himself, by Karna's hand.

Knowing how stellar Arjuna dealt with his weaknesses (wishing the death of oneself without a doubt was a major grievance unless done out of selflessness), Karna guessed that the Archer tried to repress such idea, as it is quite contrary to the path of a Kshatriya. One way or another, that regret... as well as its constriction to repent must have escaped and been given form into this foul persona.

But Krishna just laughed, a pitiful sound made of blood-choked rasp and pained wheeze, and reached for Karna's nape to urge the Lancer closer. Karna silently abode to the latter's wish, moving so that his ear was placed right before his Krishna's lips... so closely they were that Karna could listen to Krishna's ragged breathing—

(—so intimate as if they were  _lovers_ —)

"...please... accept me as I am..."

—until it stopped altogether, the vessel that made Krishna slowly disappearing in motes of golden light. The weight on his lap lessened as Krishna faded away, those who were left behind becoming the reminder of his posthumous sin. Dream this might be, Karna had gone forward with the intention to kill—to save _Arjuna_.

Then he stood up, his gaze turned to Arjuna, who was standing by his master, those brown eyes filled with shock and shame and hate—

"I told you not to interfere," Arjuna's words sounded nowhere near frosty. It was the opposite of it, really, the haughtiness he used to exude was now a mere shade of its glory. There was fear instilled in his words, tugging at Karna's conscience, reverberating with the beat of his own heart because—

—was he not fearful too, when Arjuna's life was at Krishna's mercy?

It was at that moment when Karna realized what he needed to be to Arjuna—the other reason for his summoning to the world.

"But I did," Karna replied calmly, yet his heart burned like the sun, for the first time in this borrowed life. His lance returned to his grasp as he stood back, his blue eyes gleaming with purpose. "And I will do it again and again if such situation arises... For I am summoned here also to protect you."

(' _Even if such deed would earn me Heaven's wrath.'_ )

* * *

Karna was not sure when the dream really ended, the white plafond of his room suddenly filling his view. After that break, however, he managed to glean information about this occurrence.

The dream-sharing event was apparently conducted under the supervision of Chaldean staffs. It was designed to involve his master, Emiya, and Arjuna. Karna, for some reason, was unknowingly dragged into the incidence due to Arjuna's unconscious request, or so one of the staff analysts declared. Every one of them managed to escape the dream-scape relatively unscathed... except for Emiya, who was already at risk not long after his inclusion. His vitals had swung jarringly from good to  _worst_ , the deviation too wide that Da Vinci herself decided to eject him be through last-minute override protocol. It was the best decision she could have drawn at the time, and everybody was grateful for it; Emiya was about to die under barrages of Krishna's arrows. Death in the shared-dream impacted the real minds, after all.

In the end, Emiya was off duty for at least three days observation (servants were durable that way) to ensure that his mana core was not damaged. All things considered, it was fortunate that Emiya was able to escape such predicament.

It was the third day after that incidence that Karna decided to pay the good servant a visit. The first and the second days saw many groups of visitors, much to his surprise. Despite his aloofness and quiet brashness, the red-clad Archer seemed to be sociable enough to invite quiet attention. Was Arjuna not a living proof of that?

It was also because of such reason that Karna delayed his visitation. Ever since that incidence, there was a quiet but stifling fear in his hear if he imagined the face of his rival, as it would bring Krishna's peaceful (dying) face to the forefront of his mind. It would remind himself once again that, despite his resolve to protect that man, he had slain his brother. The fact that they were in dream-world did not invalidate his intention... or the way Krishna's weight left his lap.

In the end, the only reason that he skipped the following first and second day was to avoid meeting Arjuna altogether.

However, the moment he stepped into Emiya's assigned recuperation room, Karna knew that fate enjoyed pulling pranks on him.

Emiya was lying on his bed, the upper part propped up to support his back, and unsurprisingly awake. There was no one else in the sparsely-decorated room, no visitors for the day, except for one dark-haired Servant, who seemed to be engrossed in his reading of _Bharatayuddha_. The Servants in the room quickly turned their attention to him, who stood at the door almost like a deer caught in the headlight because  _why was Arjuna here, of all time and place_?

The first to make a move was Arjuna who promptly closed his book and quickly stood from the seat next to Emiya's bed, all that while avoiding Karna's gaze altogether. The white-clad Archer almost succeeded in squeezing his way out, until the patient of the room actually reached for his hand and restrained Arjuna in his place. Arjuna tensed right then, glaring at the bed-ridden archer who stopped him in his place, and growled, "Let go of me."

Emiya's resolve did not budge, his grey eyes showing defiance, "Remember what you promised me."

(Karna thought for a moment that both of them shared something deeper than just camaraderie... a trust forged from battling enemies side-by-side, nurtured into a bond deep enough for Arjuna to trust Emiya with some of his guarded secrets. It showed in how Arjuna let Emiya grab his hand, because, if Emiya was not worth his trust at all, Arjuna would have easily bolted away.

For that reason alone, Emiya earned a special recognition in Karna's eyes.)

Arjuna seemed as if he wanted to rebuke at Emiya's statement. Yet as moments passed, the tension gripping Arjuna eventually faded so thoroughly that the Archer eventually sit back, still avoiding eye-contact.

"It's about time you visit, o Hero of Charity," Emiya smirked, still with that brazen disposition despite his current limitation. Karna lightly ignored it, knowing so well that people could not help their characteristics. Karna managed a sigh, though, before he moved into the room, positioning himself just at the other side of Emiya's bedside (one that was not occupied by Arjuna).

"I have just had the time to visit," Karna lied, and it could have been funny, under different circumstances, how such remark could disperse Arjuna's avoidance and drag his attention back to Karna. The Lancer saw how those brown eyes were filled with fury... and Karna could not help but be reminded of the man who died on his lap through his deed.

"How does it feel then, Karna?" The Archer spat, letting his fury out in raging waves, "to break your own word and slay what was not meant to be slain by your hand? Hadn't I told you not to interfere?"

Must he do this now, when he had not reconciled with his turbulent state of mind? Ignoring Emiya's ' _here we go with the violence'_ , Karna let out another weary sigh and replied, "Harsh, weary, and discombobulating. I can not find peace in doing such deed, but it does not matter. I told you before, I am summoned here also to protect you, and I shall take my means to that extent."

His reply only served to agitate the Archer further, so much that Arjuna actually stood up and quickly closed their distance. In one wrathful move, Arjuna grabbed unto his choker as if to  _bind Karna down_ (Karna was just letting his rival do so). "Don't mock me, Karna. You... you who have been dealt the worst hand among us... You should be looking for ways to redeem your  _karma_. What you have done... you have cursed yourself further,  _for my sake._ "

There was a flicker of ember passing behind those blue eyes as if Karna was reminded of his own resolve. "Some victories are paid in sacrifices. If it is for you, then I don't mind."

Perhaps it was Karna's words, or maybe the realization of the fact that  _Karna would never stop giving_ ; Arjuna's grip on the Lancer's choker lessened. The fury claiming his psyche quickly escaped his form, along with the power that came along with it, and Arjuna crumbled on him like a puppet which strings had been cut.

To say that Karna was surprised was an understatement.

"You cannot do that," Arjuna hoarsely  _begged_ , and Karna could not even begin to understand  _why he did so_ , "I cannot be the cause of your downfall once more... Not when I... we..."

In the end, Karna could only let himself sit on the bedside, bringing Arjuna's weight to his own. The Archer pliantly folded to his gesture, perhaps too strung out with his own thoughts to notice his surrounding. Karna was still lost with the situation, however, and he kept shooting glances to Emiya for help. The bedridden Archer looked dismayed at first, more likely unwilling to shed light upon the matter, but then he eventually caved... with a dejected sigh.

"That man gets the stupid idea that he is the cause of your misery in life. I have been advocating him that it is not the case," Emiya huffed, a touch of concern imbuing his words, "seeing that you were like my old self... no, even worse than that. Karna, you would have died by his hand and still think that it is alright."

Arjuna managed to growl at Emiya's words, though he did nothing more than hiding his face on the Lancer's shoulder. "It's the truth, come on!" Emiya barked back in response; the fact that the red-clad archer had not faced Arjuna's wrath was a recognition of its own. "And thanks to that twisted thought process, he's still stuck with the belief that there is no way he is worthy to know more about you when he was responsible for your death. He could ask death by your hand, as penance, but he already has his duty to Ritsuka. Wishing so is like breaking his word. Those desires, all of them were restrained due to circumstances... we both see how that ends, don't we?"

Whatever helplessness that seemed to plague Arjuna seemed to flee slowly, perhaps due to his growing irritation towards Emiya's blatant words. The grip on Karna's shoulder was slowly strengthening... so much that even Karna twitched under the pressure. But the Lancer remained quiet in his place... until Arjuna shifted to pull away, the weight that left his shoulder a grim reminder to that single moment—

(' _Please accept me as I am.'_ )

The understanding of Krishna's words dawned on him like thousand rays of sunlight; those words told him of a man named Arjuna who had been ashamed of himself, all his life and had been fearful of others finding out his fault. A man who tried to be selfless all his life by denying his selfish nature, seeking perfection in every moment, yet only failing due to his own nature.

A complex self-tormenting man named Arjuna.

Karna pulled the white-clad man into his embrace, his hand sneaking back to the top of Arjuna's head to secure it back to his shoulder. Arjuna protested at first until Karna let out a hush. Emiya looked at the two of them and evaded his gaze, as though he had witnessed a private matter—or so what Karna deduced.

"O brother mine," Karna sighed, for the first time acknowledging their sibling bond despite the weight of his sin (because this was, ultimately, not for his sake, but for Arjuna's; because Krishna's wish for that acknowledgment must be Arjuna's too. For that very reason, Karna would endure his shame of pseudo-kin-slaying for this moment), "even at death's door, I have seen the torment that you put yourself into... You who strived to be the epitome of good, I stood before you as evil, so that you can achieve that pinnacle. And now... You bare your wish again to me, the one that asks for acceptance of your true nature."

Arjuna stilled in his embrace; Karna only hugged the latter tighter, the hand on Arjuna's hand idly stroking the soft dark hair, and closed his eyes. This was part of his role as well, he concluded, Atmaja's question once again ringing in his mind:  _in what capacity would he accept you?_

"But Arjuna, I have accepted that part about you even before you ask it," Karna's voice was almost gentle despite its aloof nature, "and now, I implore you, let me protect you, if not from your enemies, then from yourself."

(Because every time he saw Permadi and Atmaja casually bantered, as if there were no more shackles of the past binding their persons, he wondered for himself... How it would feel to be that way. He resigned himself to never knowing such sensations, then, when Arjuna greeted him similarly during their past life.

But then, he saw Arjuna at the brink of his destruction. The first impulse ( _wish_ ) that came to the forefront of his mind was  _to protect_ him. His first wish since a lifetime and already he sounded so selfish...

...but he cannot deny that to wish this... felt nice.)

Arjuna's grip on his shoulders was so raw that his fingers could have drawn Karna's blood under different circumstances. Karna let him, because even with such silent violence, Arjuna shook like a leaf on the wind, both helpless and powerless, until he finally succumbed to his own grateful sobs.

The hug grew fiercer. Karna let him be.

* * *

"I heard from Emiya that both of you finally reached some sort of understanding?"

Karna was not surprised when Atmaja ambushed him during his quiet meditation sessions in the training room, long after everyone finished their business here. Usually, Karna would join a session arranged by Rama and the Bharatayudha brothers, but the Lancer preferred the peacefulness in few, at the moment. It's just a matter of time before someone noticed his absence in his routine.

Part of him was glad that it was Atmaja who found him, though he was puzzled as to how Atmaja was friends with Emiya, to begin with.

"In a way, yes," Karna replied, not missing a beat, "I managed to get through... And I think I have finally found out my own role to him."

Atmaja nodded once, those blue eyes still examining his form as if Karna was an unsolved puzzle. There was a frown afterward, and Atmaja followed through, "then why the glum face, Karna?"

The Mahabharatan warrior was ready to rebuke, until he realized that it's no use; Atmaja's  _Discernment of the Poor_  would swiftly point out the lies in his words as soon as they were spoken (Karna was not comfortable with truth at the moment) and Atmaja would further pry until he got what was bothering him. Sighing, Karna gestured the other to sit by him, to which Atmaja abode. But even so, Karna did not immediately start the conversation, letting the silence of the training room explain his situation.

Atmaja did nothing to disturb that silence, perhaps understanding the weight of the matter behind such stillness before he was told of anything.

 _Feels like looking at a mirror_ , Karna thought to himself, eventually sighing at the realization that Atmaja was quietly waiting for him to crack. The Servant quietly pulled his feet and hugged his knee, as if he was preparing for the eventual breakage of his person when he spoke of his burden. "In that shared-dream-incidence, I broke my word to Arjuna and killed his weakness in his stead."

The next thing he knew, Atmaja already had his hand on Karna's shoulder, both soothing and encouraging, and murmured quietly, like a boy asking a secret meant for dead, "tell me more about this, Karna."

The words flowed out like a bursting stream, lacking any tonelessness that signified his voice, and no one was more stunned than Karna himself at his own passion. There was tightness in his chest that wormed into every part of his body as he spoke of the events in that shared-dream incidence. He recalled his promise to Arjuna to not interfere with the duel against his darkness, his unhesitant decision to intrude, his (twisted) resolve to slay what he must not—two actions that signified his unacceptance towards fate because  _he was just tired..._

There was a gentle hand petting his head, stealing him from that hole of despair. Atmaja's fingers expertly combed through his unruly hair in its attempt to quell his despair, so familiar in its movement that he could not help but be reminded of Radha, his mother. 

"Karna, despite the little time given between us to know each other, I can say that  _I am proud of you._ " Atmaja conveyed with conviction and  _pride_ , "you found your answer in a single moment, devoted yourself to that cause, and mourned for what you did... They were all done out of love, not hatred."

"But it was horrifying," Karna shuddered, Krishna's desperate smile lingering in his head along with his leaving in motes of light, and  _had he not killed his brother, then_? "Atmaja... I killed him... everyone might have painted it as a dream, but they had not experienced it as I do. I  _felt_ him die, Atmaja. Even Arjuna was affected by it... and I could not even get the image of his death out of my mind..."

He could not time the moment he buried his face on his knees, every pillar of strength and endurance he has crumbling over the source of his misery. He felt Atmaja's hand sneaking his hand over his shoulder, dragging his limp body in a half-embrace.

"Rest Karna, grant your weary heart a moment's reprieve," his alter-iteration implored kindly, "for I know that when you kill the one person whom you've pledged to, it was like killing your own heart. Let me tend to that... at least until  _he's_ ready to take care of you too."

At his words, Karna finally surrendered to that bastion of peace... and let himself drift. Krishna's voice might still haunt him, but it was far-away... a lesser thing compared to Atmaja's comforting words. Quietly, he thanked the other for his kindness let emptiness fill him to the brim... until there was nothing left but the comforting dark of unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not-actually killing Arjuna destroys Karna (a bit). Imagine actually killing him for real, maybe Karna will _finally_ go Alter.

**Author's Note:**

> Also I believe that Archers stick together, ok, even if Arjuna just has to lower his pride around Emiya or something.
> 
> Eh, nevermind me, I just need an excuse to include Emiya here, somewhere.


End file.
